Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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