dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
