Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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