8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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