Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
