can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm having to shit out rocks
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