Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
