According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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