Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
