Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You are a genius and a whore.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
