everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
