i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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