I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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