i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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