I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Randomize
