highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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