I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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