you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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