I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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