she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
