best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
