You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
