I am puke
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
