The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
