please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
