i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
