I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
