Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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