i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
