I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
