There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
