I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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