I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
