i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
