She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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