She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
