Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
