god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
ttyl tear gas
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
