a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
