$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
