eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
