Pants 0. Shit 1.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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