May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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