I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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