that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
