you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
