note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
