I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
