So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
