WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
