My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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