You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
