how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
