Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
