This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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