that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
