Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
