we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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