I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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