so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
