My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
